Blog #29
Over a year ago I embarked on a journey to become a Christian Chaplain. On October 1, 2023, I was ordained through a great organization, Christian Chaplains and Coaching. Turns out, that was just the beginning of the journey.
I have not fully realized all that God desires of me in my chaplaincy, but I have had the opportunity for several months now to serve as the workplace chaplain for one of the assisted living facilities here in Columbus, Ohio. I do this through another great organization, Workforce Chaplains.
I’m always envious (sometimes skeptical) of the men and women of faith who say, “God told me to do this or do that.” They sometimes make that declaration so casually that I want to say, “Stop right there. What did that look like? How did you know it was God speaking? What did it sound like?”
Believe me, if God ever speaks to me clearly over my morning coffee, that will be the primary topic of discussion: “God spoke to me and this is how I know it was Him!” There’ll be nothing casual about my description of the conversation and you will grow tired of hearing about it. In fact, what God said to me will become secondary to the fact He spoke to me.
I never hear God as though he is speaking directly to me. Probably because of my thick head or my sinful and selfish nature. But, God does speak to me through my circumstances. Sometimes that is extremely uncomfortable and best recognized in the rear view mirror.
Lately God has been teaching me about selfless listening; really listening to and hearing the person speaking to me instead of just waiting for an opportunity to tell my story.
Sounds easy, but it’s not natural for most of us. When someone is telling you about a major event in their life (an epic bike ride, a crash, a major medical event, etc.) it’s our nature to counter with our story, no matter how dated and sometimes, hijacking the conversation.
Part of the chaplains “Ministry of Presence” is the “Ministry of Listening,” allowing someone to tell their story, while you listen with your full attention without trying to change the focus of the conversation to yourself. This does not come naturally to many of us, but I am proof that it can be learned, though I’m very much a work in progress.
In my time as the chaplain of the assisted living center, I see it as a major accomplishment that the handful of people who speak to me regularly don’t know anything about me. My focus is on them, their ups and downs, their concerns. I suppose if someone asked a specific question about me or my past that I’d tell them, but it doesn’t come up. That’s not what I’m there for. I’m there to practice the Ministry of Presence and Listening, and I get better at that all the time.
You’re a better chaplain and a better friend when you can listen to someone’s story without changing the focus of the conversation to yourself, especially when the person’s story is very significant to them.
I challenge you to do these two things. First, be mindful of and fully appreciative of that person in your friend group who has the ability to listen fully to someone else’s significant story without butting in with their story, even when you know the listener has his or her own significant story to tell.
For instance, as I type this with one hand and work my way into week two of major shoulder post-op, I have one friend who has reached out a couple times to check on me. I know that this guy suffered a fall from a high ladder a few years ago that nearly killed him and left him with so much metal in his body he can’t ride in cold weather. But, he never brings it up, especially when he is listening to my story; The Ministry of Listening.
Second, consider developing the art of truly listening in yourself. No matter what great experience you hunger to tell people about, teach yourself to listen without making the story about yourself. When you focus on that skill set, it comes easier than you think. Learn that it’s not always about you. Learn to say things like, “Wow! That had to be great, or horrible, whichever the case may be, instead of, “That’s nothing. Let me tell you about the ride I took, once in my life….15 years ago.”
Self awareness is not the same thing as self glorification. You just may become a better friend, leader and person of God.