The Pastor’s Wife.

Blog #25

If you are affiliated with a church regardless of the denomination, you’ve probably been to events where a senior, accomplished pastor is present with his wife. Maybe at the head table, they seem to be at great peace and joy, enjoying the settled, accomplished, even prosperous years of their life in the ministry. What you don’t see at that setting is the years of struggle, sacrifice, tears and gut-wrenching prayers it took that husband wife team to get there.

I’ve made an observation over the past several years, but first I need to qualify what I’m writing about. This is about the wife of the young pastor, maybe bi-vocational. Maybe full time, but low paid without benefits in today’s economy. There may have been a time when a pastor could raise a family on just his modest salary, but those days are gone.

The pastor certainly must have a true calling to the ministry. He wouldn’t make it otherwise. But, the calling is not about amassing riches.
They’re a young couple with a small family, one or two kids. Just starting or maybe several years into the ministry. Maybe still paying off college debt for that ministry degree.

Note:  I know there are female pastors and I’m certain this blog is just as applicable to them as it is to male pastors. Though I don’t know of any situations where the roles I speak of are completely reversed. I probably need to get out more.

About the Pastor.
The pastor is working hard and long hours to make the most of the opportunity and hopefully build a flock and a career. He’s gone a lot, long hours, mandatory meetings and special events.
He’s often just paying his dues for what is hoped to be a fruitful career.
His messages are well prepared, rehearsed and delivered. Everyone agrees that he’s a real up and comer in the denomination. He’s working hard, sacrificing for the Lord, impacting lives.
Unfortunately, very often the unsung hero of this story is the young wife making everything work behind the scene.

Todays Economy.
If the young family is to have critical health care benefits and the hope of a decent savings someday, she has to find and work a good, full time job. She also needs to balance child care with her job and his long days and unexpected call outs.
She most often takes the time off her job when the kids are sick. He can’t. He has a flock depending on him: visiting the shut-in, the sick and dying, leading his church’s Sunday services, special events, weddings funerals, etc.
Most churches, especially the churches a pastor is assigned to early in the career, don’t have a staff of assistant pastors. Sometimes the senior pastor is the only full time employee. He’s got to be there.
She has to carry the load at home combined with her critical full time job.

When the pastor goes through a bad period and questions his calling, it’s the wife that comforts him, reassures him and gets him back in the game. She is his primary support system.

My Observation.
I watch the young pastor’s wives affiliated with my church and I wonder how they do it. They must be very strong people, just as committed to their ministry as their pastor spouse. If not, one would become overwhelmed quickly.
The pastor’s wives I know are clearly devout prayer warriors.

They work all day at a job they may not love and is not normally their calling, but are forced to do it for the family and their husbands ministry. Pick up the kid(s) on the way home, get a meal going, maybe after a trip to the grocery, hope no one got a bug at day care today, only to find out the pastor has been called out or held over to tend to a facility crisis, member of the flock, or special board meeting. Do it all again tomorrow. Not to mention the domestic requirements of maintaining a home: laundry, dishes, cleaning, bathing the kids and getting them tucked in bed, paying bills, etc. and there’s no “stay at home” mom or dad in this picture. No one wants to find themselves in their mid to late 60’s with little to no retirement savings and without their own home.

He might be off Friday or Saturday, but he’s got a sermon to fine tune in order to impact a congregation that sometimes seems more interested in critiquing the worship music. Ministering to people can be an ugly business, but Sunday’s certainly a work day for the family.

He’s off to open the church. She gets the kids fed, dressed and out the door to go see dad at church. She all too often helps or completely runs the children’s care at church so other couples can watch the sermon. And God help her if she has any musical or singing talent. That means she’ll be helping out the worship team in her spare time. In smaller churches the husband wife team may be the worship team.  The bottom line is, Pastor’s wives never get a weekend off.  It exhausts me to think about it.

Then it’s back home to get ready for Monday morning. There are real similarities between the military spouse left home to make things work and the pastor’s wife. Only, the career military family has complete health care, a guaranteed retirement, and a support system if they live near or on a military installation. The pastors family has to figure out how to achieve that on their own. That’s why the wife usually must work a full time job with health benefits.

Only by the good grace of God are they able to pull it off, day after day, week after week, and year after year. It’s the wise young pastor who realizes just how much his success and quality of life depends on the sacrifices made by his wife. His mission is about saving souls, but her support is critical less he find himself someday without a family or retirement.

So, here’s to the pastor’s wife. The one who makes it possible for him to preach, have a family and maybe a retirement some day. Without her he would have little of that. And here’s to the pastor’s wife that makes it possible for him to craft and deliver a message that overcomes my short attention span in order to help me grow in Christ, that is if I can stop critiquing the band for a few minutes. We all owe a gratitude of thanks to the Paster’s wife. May God continue to bless and strengthen her.

There should be a block on the giving envelope marked, “Night out for the pastor’s wives.” Just a thought. Thanks for reading.